There's a serious message that needs to be heard loud and clear: there is no safe or "safer" way to erotically choke someone. In April 2024 the New York Times and most recently The Guardian featured articles discussing erotic choking trends and the research surrounding it, particularly in college settings. [See Article]
These articles go into the rising trend of rough sex among students. Shockingly, research is showing that nearly two-thirds of female college students have experienced choking during sex, often without prior consent from partners they just met.
As someone actively involved with the National Coalition on Sexual Freedom who volunteers with their Consent Counts committee I’ve learned a lot about the controversial topic of erotic choking. With the increasing popularity of this practice, it's really important to explore its psychological and physical impacts, and we need to be having open conversations about consent and safety in the swinging community.
First and foremost we gotta get real about the legal side of things: in no state in the US can you legally consent to erotic strangulation. Given the significant risk of serious bodily harm involved, any agreement to this practice isn't recognized under the law. That's a hard truth, and it’s crucial to be aware of it.
Kink events and conferences are reacting to this risk, with many organizers now banning any form of erotic strangulation or breath play. Which means swinger events should be doing the same, but the reality is the community isn’t as educated about appropriate kink and BDSM practices which can leave our community in a vulnerable position. I highly doubt anybody wants to deal with the legal fallout from something that’s technically illegal. The potential ramifications are simply too severe and with sex clubs already at risk of closing down because of other legal red tape, a choking incident could have serious impacts.
For those who host BDSM/Swing/Play Party events, the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom offers valuable consultation and training to help meet legal safety requirements and protect against liability. This is what the NCSF is for, to help the community when they’re in need and based on new research it seems as though our communities really just need education. https://ncsfreedom.org
And no one is trying to be a buzzkill here—erotic strangulation comes with a high likelihood of physical injury, especially for those with underlying health issues like asthma, heart or lung conditions, high blood pressure, or diabetes. As someone involved in the swinging community, it's essential to approach this practice with care and awareness.
Here’s the reality: I get that choking during sex is a trend right now, but we really need to consider the risks involved. Your health and safety should come first! As for Swinger Club and event owners, education is the best way to approach this topic. Help your club goers understand the very serious risks involved with this sort of play. Understanding the legal risks is vital in this matter so you don’t get caught in a sticky situation.
I just recently had Susan Wright, NCSF’s Executive Director and Spokesperson on The Pineapple Express Podcast, and she gave some insight about erotic choking and the dangers that go along with it. Here’s some of what she had to say,
[Historically, in the kink community, we've done breath play, which is like rebreathing, breathing into each other's mouth, putting hoods and masks on and gags and things like that. But it is not choking. [It]Was never strangulation, really, it was never big. In fact, most clubs, when we're, you know, polling our groups, they don't allow it. They don't allow it because people die, and they've seen serious accidents happen from it, and they don't teach it because of the liability risks, because people get sued from it. And I just was looking at an article where, you know, a 20 something year old guy was saying, Well, yeah, in one out of 10 times I choked my girlfriend, and she seems to like it, you know, she seems to enjoy it. And, yeah, I know how it's really risky, and it scares the shit out of me, but she seems to like it. And I'm sitting there reading this article, going, he's not even talking to her about this, and he knows it's risky, and he and he seems to know he could actually kill her, and he's not talking to her about this like that seems crazy to me. Yeah, you can kill somebody doing this. In fact, our research has found 57 articles of people that have killed their partner doing erotic choking. This is not interpersonal violence. This is not arguments. This is like people having sex, choking each other and killing their partner. And NCSF has reports it's the most risky thing that's happened partners killing their partner by choking them and and it's illegal. You're not allowed to choke somebody, even if you have consent.-Susan Wright, National Coalition For Sexual Freedom]
There is no SAFER way to erotic choke. Just don’t do it, there are so many other ways to explore domme and sub dynamics that don’t involve serious injury or risk you or your partners life.
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