How to Vet Lifestyle Events: Not All Parties Are Created Equal
By Kiley George
Sex and Relationship Coach | Sexual Freedom Advocate | Social Media Personality
When you're exploring non-monogamy, attending lifestyle events can be an exciting part of the journey. But not all events are created equal, and it’s crucial to vet them properly to ensure they align with your values for safety, consent, and inclusion. Whether you’re heading to a swinger’s party, a polyamorous gathering, or a kink event, these tips will help you choose events that respect your privacy and provide a positive experience.
1. Research Event Organizers
Before RSVPing to any event, it’s essential to research the organizers. Start by looking up reviews and feedback on platforms like FetLife, #Open, and relevant social media groups. This will give you a sense of their track record and reputation within the community.
How to Research:
Search social media groups and forums for feedback about past events.
Look for online reviews—a lack of information or transparency could be a red flag.
Reach out to past attendees to get firsthand insight about how the event is managed.
2. Vet the Event’s Consent Policy
Consent is non-negotiable. Always check if the event has a clear, enforceable consent policy. A good policy should detail how consent is maintained, what actions are taken if boundaries are crossed, and how consent is communicated. Events without a solid consent framework should be avoided.
How to Check:
Review the event's description—does it mention how consent will be established?
Ask organizers directly if their policy is unclear or missing from the event details.
Look for a code of conduct—this often includes consent guidelines, expected behavior, and consequences for violations.
3. Check for Inclusive Policies
Inclusion is a vital part of a positive event experience. Look for events that openly state they welcome people of all backgrounds, orientations, body types, and relationship dynamics. Inclusivity helps ensure a respectful and welcoming environment for everyone.
How to Vet Inclusivity:
Read event descriptions for inclusive language—the best events will emphasize being open to diverse communities, including LGBTQIA+ individuals and people of all body types.
Ask about accessibility—if physical accessibility is important, check if the venue is equipped for attendees with different physical abilities.
Look for diverse representation—events with a wide range of attendees and experiences signal an inclusive and thoughtful approach.
4. Prioritize Privacy Protections
Protecting your privacy at lifestyle events is crucial, especially if you wish to keep your personal and professional lives separate. Events should have strict policies regarding attendee privacy, including no-photo rules and confidentiality around guest lists.
How to Ensure Privacy:
Check for no-photo or no-phone rules to prevent unconsented recordings.
Ensure the guest list is confidential and won’t be shared with third parties.
Look for discreet billing—events should offer a discreet way of billing so it won’t show up as anything obvious on your credit card statement.
5. Review Safety Protocols
Safety is about more than physical security. Events that prioritize safety should have staff or volunteers monitoring the crowd, enforcing rules, and addressing any inappropriate behavior. A safe environment allows everyone to enjoy themselves fully.
How to Vet Safety:
Check if the event has security staff or monitors in place to ensure attendee behavior is respectful and consensual.
Ask about emergency protocols—the best events will have clear guidelines for handling any incidents or violations of consent.
Look for a reporting system where attendees can safely report misconduct or breaches of consent.
6. Health and Hygiene Policies
In today’s world, health and hygiene are non-negotiable. Make sure the event has clear health protocols in place, including COVID-19 safety measures, STI prevention, and access to necessary protection.
7. Attend Meet & Greets First
If you're unsure about jumping into a large event, consider attending a meet and greet first. These are non-sexual, low-pressure environments where you can get to know the organizers and other attendees, giving you a sense of how the event will be managed.
Choose Wisely for a Safe and Fun Experience
Attending lifestyle events can be a highlight of your non-monogamous journey, but it’s essential to prioritize safety, consent, and privacy. By doing some homework, asking the right questions, and sticking to events with clear policies, you can enjoy a positive, drama-free experience.
Vet your events carefully, and you’ll be rewarded with a safe, inclusive environment where you can connect and explore freely.
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